Losing your temper on your horse

Katherine F · Well Schooled

Losing your temper on your horse

justice · Grand Prix

I honestly don't tho this is not to say that frustration never happens. At that point I am determined to be as patient and clear as I have ever been since it is ME that is setting the course, MY job to communicate effectively what it is that I want and most definitely ME that is inspiring the furstration! My horse was likely quite content to be munching out in a field with a few buds before I entered his happy little moment.

I feel it is important to realize that we are trying to teach/train a being of different language as well as different speech tools (pictures/postures/gestures) to comply to a voice/touch. We often expect that within one or two tries the horse will get it since we are SOOO good at explaining to them, sooo good at being in charge, having ...wait for it... control!. And of course all beings recognise that. The horse needs a few minutes to work out/weed out/filter out the human flail and get to the IMAGE of our desire, not so much the SOUND. Give them a minute to try out a few reactions. They are doing the best they can with what they understand of us. Just cos the horse went right when I wanted left doesn't always mean he is wrong. I asked, he gave, just didn't know what to give but... he gave. Can't punish that. Then ask again the SAME WAY til I get what I want. The patience part is in not correcting or disciplining wrong reactions but specifying and then promoting the one I want .. one at a time : ).

When any of my horses defy me deliberately over something I KNOW they know, that might be a different story : ) Then, it is not so much a loss of temper but a consistently set limit of tolerance, clearly defined.

-- Edited by justice on Thursday 9th of December 2010 08:47:32 AM

-- Edited by justice on Thursday 9th of December 2010 08:49:35 AM

Nikki Salo · Grand Prix

I think as you progress with your own riding level and comfort in the saddle, you become more aware of the situation and learn to stay calm or even sometimes how to avoid a situation to begin with.

Through my teenage years, I got to ride a lot of frustrating horses that seemed to know every button to push, my tactic (and sometimes it still is!), is to dismount and either walk/stand (depending on the issue) until I take a moment to recollect and then get back on. I find that if you are brave enough, and can jump off without warning to the horse it really gives them a "holy heck?!" moment that snaps them out of their train of thought (note: I often ride horses with rearing and bucking issues). I really don't like to just end the session, because most of the horses I get to ride have learned buck/rear=barn/pasture, but when it comes to young ones and training in general, it is best (I find) to only ask for something new for 10-15min of the session and reward for any effort (ignoring the wrong answer, rewarding the right answer).

Like Justice said, we're working with two different languages, and *we* often think that we are good at explaining what we want, I can't even explain certain training problems/ideas to my boyfriend and we both speak English. But after 5 years of breaking it all down for him (at the dinner table -- he is food motivated), it is surprising what he has retained. aww

SoftTouchTraining · Well Schooled

Deep breathing when I feel like I'm getting frustrated and taking a break. Sometimes it is better to just drop the issue for the day, because if you're frustrated think of how your horse is feeling.
If my students start to lose their temper they are warned once to chill out. If they ever start to take it out on the horse I have no problem telling them to get off the ride is over. With some of the kids I teach their punishment for losing their temper with either the horse or me is to hand walk their horse for 10 minutes or the rest of their lesson. I have no problem talking to them to help them chill and will work with them to get through any problem, but they have to be willing to chill out and listen. Everyone has to remember that you are dealing with 2 minds, yours and your horse's and taking a moment to compose yourself and relax will get you a lot farther than loosing your temper.

shaiarabs · Well Schooled

I used to a very very long time ago, when I was young.. (fossil I am lol)

As I found new ways, expanded my information and watched and learned more.. it has been totally eliminated, I no longer get frustrated at all.

I sit back, look from outside myself and see what is going wrong..I play it out in my mind to seek where I went wrong or am going wrong...see the answer, make the changes and get on with it.

horses are only telling us what we are either asking them to do or what they are trying to get us to hear.. we just have to take the time to listen and lay the blame where it belongs with us.

Barbara F · Grand Prix

I have a good reminder that I tell myself whenever I get frustrated with the horse...
99.99% of the time, whatever is going on is MY fault. ;)

Barnmouser Ash · Grand Prix

I agree with Barb here; a huge majority of the time, frustration is rooted in the rider. I'm a huge advocate of "speaking equus" in that we have to learn to speak to the horse on its level. When something doesn't go as we want it to or as we had planned, and we get frustrated, the best thing to do is to sit back and ask "why" it's not going according to plan. I agree with Nikki in this sense then to just get off and take a breather until you can collect your thoughts and figure out how to ask the horse what we want, on his or her level. Sure sometimes it's not very opportune to just get off the horse in the middle of a session but it's better to direct your frustration into thinking about how to fix it, than into taking it out on your horse (in my opinion). Just my $0.02 ;)

Diamond_Jubilee · Well Schooled

I also agree with a lot of people here. Its almost always the riders fault, but its hard not to get frustrated. When this happens I try to ask for the same thing, but in a different way. If I find myself getting upset I have gotton off, sat on the mounting block and think of yet another way to ask...I will get back on and if I still have a problem I go to something that we both do well. If it doesnt happen that day, theres always another day!! Just remember, we are suppose to be enjoying ourselves!

barnfrog · Advanced

The question is why the rider would feel like losing their temper? It is a reaction to frustration. There are times I become angry not at the horse, but at the #*$(&#$ who created problematic reactions. But rider has NO time for anger when rider. They need to think about how to replace problematic reactions from the horse with different ones. IF that requires a walk break to think out different exercises then it does, if deep breathing while thinking out a different exercises then it does. Horses are NOT ridden/trained by daily goals, but by progressively gaining different reactions to the aids. That almost always means changes in aids placement or timing of the aids.

Simply put: aggression or frustration have no place in horse training. The rider needs to step back and figure out another way to understand why the horse cannot produce what they want.

Horses do NOT 'defy deliberately'. What riders think they are asking, and the balance horse is in can make seemingly known behaviors not possible.

Marlene · Advanced

Maybe I'm getting too old to lose my temper, maybe having raised three boys gives a person some perspective, but I don't lose my temper with my horse. Even when I've just eaten dirt, I just feel that what was happening was not really deliberate, or I'm doing something wrong. It's not his fault, and it doesn't help me figure out what needs to change if I start blaming him. With my current horse diet has made a difference, and my technique is most of the rest of it. So how can you blame the guy if his rider is still getting the hang of what works best? Many years of dog training has also taught me that it's the handler's responsability to figure out what makes that particular animal tick. Even if we think we are doing it right, they are not mind readers, and it's our job to get them to understand what we want. And as soon as we get frustrated, the animal can't read us to figure out what it is we are after.

-- Edited by Marlene on Thursday 16th of December 2010 11:56:54 AM

Wind_Chaser · Well Schooled

Clinton Anderson always says, "frustration begins where knowledge ends." I try to remember that when I'm feeling frustrated with not being able to communicate with my horse. It's up to me to gain the knowledge to communicate effectively with my horse.

However, there are times when my horses "chump" me - they KNOW what's expected and they KNOW they're not doing what I want, but being horses, they are testing their herd leader (namely me) to make sure I still am capable of leading. In those cases, I don't get angry, but I DO ask for cooperation and I'll make them work to get their attitude readjusted. But I try not to take it personally. They aren't doing it to MAKE me angry - they're just being horses.

Barnmouser Ash · Grand Prix

Wind_Chaser - you couldn't have said it more perfectly. Horses will be horses. They don't think like humans do (as much as we would like to assume! ;) ) so we can't chalk their blatant jerk attitudes up to just being a jerk. We have to understand how the horse thinks and reacts to things naturally in order to fully understand why s/he does the things s/he does. Thanks for that valuable contribution.

beau · Foal

If time is on your side, take a moment to collect your thoughts, think about your position and about the way you are asking, do some easy trot stretches. Try again, but in a really simple way or in a different place

If you are running out of time, think of your building blocks, go back a step or two and do something your horse does really well so that you don't finish on a bad note.

Remember to reward good work. Always ask yourself whether your horse is in good physical shape with well fitting tack.

FancyTrot · Yearling

I don't believe losing your temper does anything but build up negativity. If your horse is not doing what you want, maybe you need to think about the way you are asking him, think about how he is feeling, think about how your surge of frustration effects how you ride?, do you become more firm, grabby, aggressive, do you tense up. Your horse can feel all this and it will upset him. Remember he is not a machine, he makes mistakes and he was not born into the world having signed an agreement to let humans ride him, he lets you ride him out of the goodness of his heart, not because it is in his contract.

I know a lot of younger girls lose their temper if a horse knocks a jump, or spooks and I believe it is because of the pressure we put ourselves and our horses through to be the best, win the most etc.

I find when things go badly, I count the hoof steps, i go into a sort of trance where any negativity washes away, focusing on that helps my head to clear, my body relaxes and so does my horse!

Michelle Synnot · Yearling

Oh yes I think that happened this week. LOL. I was leading my 8 yr old and he was throwing his head around like a goof ball and brought his tooth down on my head full force. I try to keep my language at my barn G rated as we have many little kids running around for lessons, but I really cussed a blue streak.. better than taking it out on the horse... while riding if he's really being a jerk I ride right into the corner and give him AND myself a time out. (He has a tendency to lean on your hands if you let him and run through his aids.) I found this pic and it made me laugh..

Kathleen K · Well Schooled

I don't really get frustrated with the horse - with myself or the situation, yes, but not with the horse. I was taught never, ever to blame anything on the horse and it has really stuck with me. The horse, after all, is just being a horse.

sedonasilver · Advanced

When I first had Lorenzo broken in he was a little brat of a horse, and my first baby - I'll be completely honest - the frustration was flowing freely and loudly! I had really begun to believe that he was being deliberately naughty just to annoy me.

It took me a few weeks to realise that he wasn't - of course - once I noticed that if I let the little 'baby' things slide - like stomping on my foot when I was picking his hooves before a ride - or shuffling all over the place while I tried to tack him - and mounted with a cool, calm, nuetral frame of mind he behaved so much better.

Lesson learnt! He always picks up on my energy so if we're having a bad ride, I have to stop and think how I was feeling when I got on, then try and let all the tension go (work/family/money stress).

Yakkittyyak · Yearling

I don't have Time to get angry, because it WILL set me back.
When you get angry, or frustrated, or just plain P.O.'ed, you now have one more problem to fix...Problem 'A' that irritated you in the first place, and problem 'B' that you created when you blew your stack. Now, having said THAT, I'll holler and fight back like a banshee when I feel that 'a trip to the hospital is imminent' !! As an example, if your horse starts spinning around in the stall because someone just took his buddy out of sight, and You are IN THERE, I might 'holler and smack' to make my safe exit... I want to make sure the horse is more aware of Me, than he is of his particular tizzy-fit of the moment. I view this as not so much anger, as self preservation...and if you seldom, seldom, raise your voice...it does have an effect on your horse because it is unusual and unexpected.
As far as the spur and jerk on the mouth type of anger you see around...I booooooo out loud and pull out my video camera. If you are not doing anything wrong, you shouldn't mind it showing up on utube, right???

Marlene · Advanced

I agree with Yak, even though it seems counter to what I said earlier. On the rare occasion that my horse is doing something dangerous, I bark at him, and it sometimes brings his brain foreward if he's sort of losing it at a bad time. Hopefully since I don't fret the small stuff he can tell the difference as to when I need him to do right NOW or we are both in trouble. Still time to analyze later what led to the situation and what can be done better next time.

Goatgirl · Advanced

As a kid...I used to get p.o'd....it was wrong...but back then things were different thenn...I'm not excusing myself and I feel so bad at the way my friends and I used to 'make em listen' We had no adults to teach us differently - I grew up like many kids did just yahooing and riding bareback and playing...we loved our horses...but....

a couple of years my son's coach and I were standing talking when a woman who breaks horses for the track came into the arena on a beautiful grey filly...the baby was clearly confused about what she was being asked and spooked...and the woman started wacking the baby's neck. The coach and I looked at each other and then back at the woman who glared at us...clearly 'don't bother saying anything..none of your business..." The coach and I just shook our heads...and then the coach said 'she's had a bad day that girl (meaning the woman)'...we both just stood there...unable to do anything and at least I was sick watching that baby so unhappy but doing finally what she thought was wanted of her... it was awful...

a coach i had long ago always said if your horse isn't doing what you asked...ask yourself first - 'what am I doing that my horse doesn't understand.' When you are 100% sure you are being clear then ...it's something with your horse..

Anger does not belong in the saddle...not ever.....I don't think anger ever accomplishes anything but scaring your horse or making him or her feel angry or defensive...I try to see the humour in the situation..laugh...laughter releases energy too and stress.. or just change the game..if I'm trying to do piaffe...or half-pass or simple change...or canter ...or whatever and my horse is going...hmmmmmmmmm...meh....not today...we'll change the game...do something else - more simple and relaxed and come back to it fresh...so we get the simple thing..and it's good pony and then we step it up again....If I'm having a bad day..and a short fuse...I get off ..give him a brush...or don't get on at all...my relationship with my horse is too valuable to risk losing his trust...

deb · Well Schooled

Hi

I have always had a do it now, attitude to anything I have set out to do, but when you 'train' animals you fast learn that it is at their pace. After all it is you doing the teaching but they are doing the 'learning', so patience is the only chance that you have to acomplish your goal. After almost 40 years of working with animals I have learned that do it now is do it when you get it and are ready, am I as determined as I ever was... oh yes, but I have learned that the other being has to 'get' it for me to accomplish my goals.

I have been married for 22 years, and over those years I have learned that while going into this marriage I was a pretty good animal teacher, I had lots to learn, and just watching my husband with dogs, rabbits, horses, and even cats... and the odd wild animal that has crossed our paths I have seen what true patients has to offer. While my husbands patents are not always a high on his to do list with people, with animals it is another story all together. We have (he) has a rep for taking the worst behavoiral problem horses and either the 'problems' go away within a very short while, or simply don't happen for him. Even for those scarred and problem strewn horses he 'gets along' with them, and they love him. I have never seen a horse that didin't isntantly respond favorably to him, even when he has shod them (he is a farrier as well). He drove stb's for over 25 years, and when he steped up into the bike, the horses simply relaxed, they were happier, and life long kickers stopped kicking, rearers stoped going over backwards, runaways stopped acting like trains and running off on him. Ridding was no different his dad bought the most troubled horses and Joe even as a small boy would work with them, retrain them, and then sell them, they were different horses after just even a short while with him. Ask him how, and he will tell you that he understands them, and they him, and patients and time are his only real 'methods' he does not prescribe to any methods from anyone else, or a book or a dvd, but while he figures if that helps someone else, than go for it, he simply is himself. He never looses his cool, he knows when horse is being grumpy, or really does not get it, when it is a serious issue, or when to ignore. One thing he will tell you is that if you make a big deal over something than it will become a big deal. From my experience it is this lack of 'making a big deal' that is a key to his success. While he expects respect from his horses, he gives as good as he gets, and he always is ready to 'pay' the horse with rewards, his touch, a treat, his attention is often good enough. He expects things to always go right, but knows that things can go wrong-- by assuming that it will go right, he is not antisipating problems, and the horse responds favorably, but if things do go wrong, he simply stays calm, gets things back to rights... and never looses his cool, he figures that if it goes wrong than oh well, chill and it will go right next time... it does for him work that way...

Currently we have two horses, one a 4 year old we have had since he was a yearling. Che is big tough and the most 'different' horse I have ever known. He is more preditor than prey, and he thinks differently than other horses in many ways. He is unafraid, and you cannot rule him by the means that most horses are ruled by, or working with by... the first time Joe met Che he told my son, we have to make this horse our friend, or we will never work with him... he has to love us so much that he does not want to hurt us... so he set out to do that... and 3 years later, Che is his friend, his passsion-- Che sees Joe sometimes as a friend, as a 'mare' on occassion, often treats him like another horse (Che hates people, but loves horses), as a stallion Che is quiet around horses, but incredibly determined to do as he sees fit where people are concerened... Joe has worked with him to the point where the two are insperable... people that have seen Che since he was a yearling thought that we would never break him to harness, never mind race, that he would never be ridden and that he would kill Joe someday. But through all this my husband has used patience, commen sence, and understanding and Che has turned into a wonderful horse and companion. Our other little horse was severly abused all his life, and carries mental issues from years of torment. When we got him he was a dead mouth runaway, and at times it felt like you were hooking onto a barn and trying to stop a train from 'running' away on you. His fear was so great that if anything were to go wrong than he was a danger to himself and who ever was near him.... he ran over me once, and didn't even thing twice... the look in his eye was truly frightening, as he had not thought process left, but fear and pannic... Joe has worked with this horse for over a year now, and while I would say that if anything were to really scare him he might still flee, those things that scare him are less and less... this would be an easy hose to loose your cool with, as he can get himself hurt so easily over what to us seems nothing, but to him means everything, but Joe never lets it get to him, and never makes an issue of anything... if Tattoo looses is mind, than when Tattoo is calm again, Joe simply goes back and lets him face what bothered him again, sometimes not that day, but maybe the next, or the one after, and over time it has payed off. I have had people that are supposed to be calm and good with horses watch Che in action, and tell me that they would 'hit him over the head with a shovel' for some of what he will do... that Joe has 'more patients' than anyone they have ever seen... these people don't get it either, losing your cool would defeat the purpose and be unfair, but while Joe does have infinant patients, he also has wonderful timing, understanding, and expects the horse will do what he wants-- without frustration or anger entereing into the situation from either side... it works.

Joe has been an inspiration to me, and I have learned a great deal about calmness from him. I have learned that anger has no place when teaching animals, and that understanding and expectaions can go together, and that if you don't make an issue of the small things that horses will often not exibit the problems that they showed with other people.

Good luck

Deb McDaid

Tiocfaidh Ar La Racing and Eventing Stable

Nina A · Yearling

Once.
I was trying to catch him and he was out in a new pasture with 2 mares that were in heat and he had decided they were his and no one, not even me was going to get close enough to any of them.
I was so very angry, because he had never done this before.
After about 10 minutes of walking back and forth through the pasture, I walked away.
Sat down, took some deep breaths, got some treats and walked back out. He came right up to me. So I just stood there with him and rubbed on him.

There is no point in taking out your anger on your horse. They don't understand why you're pissed off.

Two Penny · Foal

Being the owner of a Thoroughbred, it is especially important for me to keep my cool when things don't go as planned. Ace, like many other Thoroughbreds will have a complete mental meltdown if someone loses their temper with him. I have done well at avoiding this personally, but I had a farrier lose his temper one time (even though he was the one at fault) and take it out on Ace. He made Ace stand in a really awkward position and got pissed off at him when he lost his balance and stumbled to catch himself from falling down. Took some time to calm my boy down and that farrier got himself fired that day. He'll never touch another horse of mine ever again! Poor Ace had no idea why the guy was being so harsh with him.

Any time Ace gets confused on what I'm asking him to do, I take a step back and reevaluate. Sometimes I need to find a different approach and sometimes I just need to be a little more clear with my cues. He's a smart boy and tries so hard, but sometimes he just needs a little extra patience and time to figure new things out. I know that if I lose my temper we'll only take a few steps backwards in our training and I'd spend much longer fixing the damage from it than I would if I took a moment to stop and calmly re-asses the situation. Our #1 job as riders/trainers is to give the horse confidence when they are unsure of something and to keep them as safe, happy and healthy as possible.

Horse-hearted · Advanced

I found this thread really really interesting. I'm sure everyone has dealt with anger and frustration- we are human, after all! I'm not proud of my overly-upset moments, and with age I find I can control them and recognize the signs quicker and quicker.

Very nice to read that everyone is on the right track- horses will be horses, and we are the ones making the mistakes!

I do, however, want to comment on the amzing forgiving nature of the horse. I can lose my temper and have a bad ride, but my darling gelding will still greet me the next day. Of all the qualities horses have, I wish I had their ability to drop a grudge!